What happens next?
It’s been a little while since the last post.
Today, Skien Judoklubb gained 2 new yellowbelts, and that was welcome for our little club. Hopefully, we’ll have a dojo of our own in Skien after the summer holidays, so we can start rebuilding our club.
In about one month, I shall finally get a chance to gain my 2. dan in judo, something I have waited over 3 years to get the chance to attain. Hopefully I will in the coming weeks get some good practice sessions with my uke, Tord Lindgren, where we practice the Nage no Kata and Katame no Kata, in addition to my tokui wazas and other techniques. Please honored ancestors, do not let me fuck this up.
unfortunately, I have yet to get a steady job, but i have some applications already in the system, and I’ll keep applying for jobs I’m qualified for, as well as picking up the work with Eqology, witch has been somewhat dormant the last year or so, unfortunaley, I have had other, more important things on my mind during that time.
As some of you already know, Hanna left me at the end of march, and the following month was both difficult and intense. I still have not worked all the way thorugh it, and I still miss Hanna dearly, but at least I can now see a future where she is only a friend. That is a big improvement from the first 2 weeks, where I was so depressed, I considered joining my most honored ancestors more than once. I still sometimes break down and just cry. It doesn’t even have to be much that can trigger such a breakdown, it can be a word, a song, a text, or a thought, and I get into a depressive episode. During these episodes, I start to question myself, am I worth anything, can I do anything? who the h.. am I?
These episodes are becoming rarer, thank the ancestors, and I hope that soon, they will be permanently gone, and Hanna and I can develop our relationship as friends again, and that is really important to me, as Hanna still means a lot to me, and she has earned a permanent place in my heart, not an easy accomplishment.
I do not really work optimal when I’m single, but I wonder how my potential new girlfriend will convince me to trust her with my heart, I am not yet 30, and have been engaged to get married 2 times. For me, asking a woman to share the rest of her life with me is a really big deal, as I do not do anything half way, if I go in to a relationship, and say I want it to be a serious one, to last, then I mean for life. If I tell a girl I love her, then it is because I love her with every fiber of my being.
There is one such woman I have….met… but I am not sure that she has the same thougths as I have, about becoming a couple… Time will show, but I know, that if she accepts me in her life, it will be a good one.
