Strangely creative

Not long ago, just a few days in fact, I started yet another book project, this time however, it is not a academic work I’m writing, but a work of fiction. I have as of this moment really no clue as where and how the story will evolve, all I know is that there are elements of the fantasy genre in the story.. I am in a creative mood these days, and hopefully this will rub of on my other book-project, as well as on my work on my masters thesis..

my book project.

Currently, I am working at a book project, writing about Acudo Ryu.  I hope to finish writing before summer, and save up money so I can get it published.. I write in english, and the plan is to have it distributed internationally

The book will have 3 main sections, section one is dealing with the history and influence of Acudo Ryu, and examples of the practical applications of the style. Section 2 is dealing with the technichal and theoretical curriculum from beginner to black belt, and the 3. section deals with the Shaolin Qinna kata as taught by the World Acudo Association (WAA).

More to follow

Seminars in self defence and Acudo Ryu

In the not so distant future, I shall arrange seminars in self defence, and in Acudo ryu. I am available to teach courses and hold seminars all over the world, and if this is of interest to you or someone you know, please do not hesitate to contact me via the Norwegian Academy of Martial Arts and Self Defence ( Den Norske Kampsportskolen) on the following e-mail adress: norsk.kampsportskole@gmail.com

 

Status 2.july 2011

First of, the good news. I finally got a job:) I have been hired by Securitas as a guard, and have just got of my 2.shift at Grand Hotel in Oslo. This is a job I have some experience in, and with good coworkers, I think I am going to enjoy working for Securitas.

So to the not-so good stuff.

The last month or so, I have felt like I have made some real headway in my grieving-process, but as it turns out, I cannot lie to myself, the feelings I still have for Hanna are considerable, and it has gotten worse over the last couple of days. In all fairness, it is not just Hanna anymore, but I have begun to feel the sting in my heart again, and I hate it. It prevents me from moving forwards in my life. It seems that every time I start liking a girl,some crap happens, and I fall down in a depressive episode. Luckily most of these episodes are light, but I doubt that it would take much for it to become really, really bad.

I re-met an.. let’s call it an old friend of mine a couple of months ago, when she was visiting her aunt here in Norway. It was really nice to see her again, and something wonderful happened when I was around her, something I did not expect. I felt at peace, in balance with my self and my heart felt peace and joy. I started to fantasize and philosophise about what this could mean,especially since my friend said that she had experienced something similar when she was with me. Since it was a long time since last I had any contact with my friend, and she was at one point an important part of my life, I did not want to mess things up by saying something stupid, jumping the proverbial gun as it were.

The facts are these:

I wanted, and maybe I still want, a second chance with her, in time. As it stands today, I have nothing to offer her, exept my heart. I have just recently gotten a job, I have no place to live, and at the moment, the most important thing in my life, since Hanna decided I was no longer someone she wanted in her life, the martial arts. A few years ago, that was fine, since it was all I knew anyway,  but now, I wish to fill my life with something other than just martial arts. I have wanted a family of my own since before I was 20, but today, on my way home from work, I had a vision. And it scared me.. I saw an image of my self, surrounded by a family, and one by one, everyone of my children, and my wife (in the vision) disappeared. They just…dissolved.. I am afraid of what this vision could mean, and I deeply fear, that it will come true. That my greatest dream, wish and ambition in life, to have a family, will remain just that, a dream.

Every time I start liking a girl, and I feel like things are starting to turn to the positive, something happens, and either I end up loosing her altogether, or she just wants to be friends.. Don’t get me wrong, one needs friends, but friends I have, good friends,and the best of my friends, I consider to be family, but more friends is not what I need. I need someone in my life, someone to share my tragedies and triumphs, and life’s little challenges. Someone to share my life and passions with, and who wants to share their passion with me.

I need a woman in my life, who can be the one that keeps me focused and centered. The list over people who qualifies and holds to these standards is a short one, and two of the top of the list either do not want me in her life anymore, and have recently found someone they would rather be with than me.

Will I ever find love again, and if I actually find it, will I recognize it, and more importantly, will I have the courage to once again, trust another person with my heart?

 

Finally attained 2.dan in Judo

Yesterday, I attended my 2.dan examination in judo at NJJK’s dojo in Oslo. I picked up my uke Tord at the trainstation in Drammen at 0845, and headed to the capitol.

There were several candidates for examinations this day, 3 of us aimed for higher dan, and 6 for shodan.

Me and my partner were no.3 in the order, and eventually performed my katas, both the Nage no Kata and the Katame no Kata, as tori, and after every candidate had shown their katas, we had to explain the part of uke, and demonstrate our understanding of the dynamics involved.

After everyone had given their presentation, there was a longer recess, where there was time to get some food and drink into our system.

When we eventually started up again, we where called in to the examinations comitè and got feedback on our performance so far, luckily, I did well enough to continue my examination.

After some more waiting, it was finally my turn to show my stuff, but it was a short demonstration. Obviously I did a pretty good job, bechause after about 10 minutes or so, the comitè called matte, and I was done.

After what seemed an eternity, we got the results of the exams, and now, I hold 2.dan in judo, and I am a happy man

A warriors philosophy of life…

Okay.. I am officially sick and tired of not performing to the best of my capabilities, nor at the top of my potential. I know I am better than this. For the last couple of months, I have had a significant lack of initiatives, I have wasted away both my time, my physical self, my self image, and self esteem.. NO F… MORE!

From now on, the ethos of “pain is weakness leaving the body” shall be a ruling mantra, Everything I do shall from this day forth, be pursued with the reckless, selfless abandonment of a samurai warrior. I am already dead, so nothing can hurt me. I shall pursue my goals with relentless determination.

Like Rocky said: “it ain’t about how hard you can get hit, it’s about how hard you can GET hit, and keep moving FORWARDS, ‘cus no one hits harder than life”

So, for all assholes who wishes to test me, hold me down, hold me back or try and break me… BRING IT! I… WILL… DESTROY… YOU…

For everyone that backs me up, builds me up and supports me, I humbly thank you, my friends.

What happens next?

It’s been a little while since the last post.

Today, Skien Judoklubb gained 2 new yellowbelts, and that was welcome for our little club. Hopefully, we’ll have a dojo of our own in Skien after the summer holidays, so we can start rebuilding our club.

In about one month, I shall finally get a chance to gain my 2. dan in judo, something I have waited over 3 years to get the chance to attain. Hopefully I will in the coming weeks get some good practice sessions with my uke, Tord Lindgren, where we practice the Nage no Kata and Katame no Kata, in addition to my tokui wazas and other techniques. Please honored ancestors, do not let me fuck this up.

unfortunately, I have yet to get a steady job, but i have some applications already in the system, and I’ll keep applying for jobs I’m qualified for, as well as picking up the work with Eqology, witch has been somewhat dormant the last year or so, unfortunaley, I have had other, more important things on my mind during that time.

As some of you already know, Hanna left me at the end of march, and the following month was both difficult and intense. I still have not worked all the way thorugh it, and I still miss Hanna dearly, but at least I can now see a future where she is only a friend. That is a big improvement from the first 2 weeks, where I was so depressed, I considered joining my most honored ancestors more than once. I still sometimes break down and just cry. It doesn’t even have to be much that can trigger such a breakdown, it can be a word, a song, a text, or a thought, and I get into a depressive episode. During these episodes, I start to question myself, am I worth anything, can I do anything? who the h.. am I?

These episodes are becoming rarer, thank the ancestors, and I hope that soon, they will be permanently gone, and Hanna and I can develop our relationship as friends again, and that is really important to me, as Hanna still means a lot to me, and she has earned a permanent place in my heart, not an easy accomplishment.

I do not really work optimal when I’m single, but I wonder how my potential new girlfriend will convince me to trust her with my heart, I am not yet 30, and have been engaged to get married 2 times. For me, asking a woman to share the rest of her life with me is a really big deal, as I do not do anything half way, if I go in to a relationship, and say I want it to be a serious one, to last, then I mean for life. If  I tell a girl I love her, then it is because I love her with every fiber of my being.

There is one such woman I have….met… but I am not sure that she has the same thougths as I have, about becoming a couple… Time will show, but I know, that if she accepts me in her life, it will be a good one.

things are looking better :)

Things nowadays are looking better, I am feeling more confident in my self, and I am again looking forwards to trainings in the martial arts.

Unfortunately, I did not get the job I applied for in Drammen, but I am applying for jobs all over Norway, and I am not limiting myself to Norway.

As I am probably moving away from Telemark during the summer, and moving back to my homestead of Steinberg, I am turning up the activity for building my buisness within the Shine-organization, who have recently changed its graphical profile and name to Eqology. The focus is the same as it has always been, healthcare- and skincare products.

I am altso planning to escalate the activities in the Norwegian academy of Martial Arts and Self Defence, and I hope the market will be greater closer to Drammen and Oslo.

Hopefully, I will either have my company, World of Balance up at operational level so I can make a living doing what I love to do, or I have gotten a job elsewhere so I can get a place to live, and start my life over again, not being dependent on any one

On the academic side, I have finally begun receiving the guidance I need to get my masters thesis going, and I really hope to be finished by x-mas.

the “life” nowadays

Well, as I stated a little while ago, shit happens and Life pretty much sucks.

Hopefully I’ll come out of this a stronger person, I have started a process to ensure this happens, and it is my goal that I will be a more self-confident, independent person at the end of this process.

Unfortunately, the time at hand is difficult, I do not always make the best decisions, and I hope I don’t f**k things up to badly, only time will tell.  On the up-side however, I think I am over the worst period, and the snowball has begun rolling, so I can drag my now-sorry ass up and out of the mud hole I currently occupy.

Luckily, things are not all black. Last friday, I was summoned for a job interview, at the Norwegian Motorsports Association in Drammen as a sports consultant, and I have finally begun to receive the counceling I need for my masters degree.

I hope to get the job, and move to a nice apartment in southern Buskerud, and hopefully get some distance to the last months not-so-pleasant events.

new youtube video :)